Andy Rooney Bleats Again

Andy Rooney bleats again.

If you were going to make a list of the great times in American history, you'd start with the day in 1492, when Columbus got here.

Columbus never set foot in the US. Sorry Andy. Yet we do credit him with discovering America, but then most people who loathe America blame him for starting a genocidal disaster.

The Revolution when we won our independence would be on the list.

Boy, and isn't it a good thing, too. Maybe that's why we have a freakin' holiday to celebrate it.

Beating Hitler.

Well, we really love removing National Socialists from power. Saddam was one of those. I guess we should celebrate that too.

Putting Americans on the moon.

And how many journalists did that take?

We've had a lot of great days.

But none will be as joyous as the day I see Andy's name in the obituaries.

Our darkest days up until now have been things like presidential assassinations, the stock market crash in 1929, Pearl Harbor, and 9-11, of course.

I'm glad he could work 9/11 in there somewhere, but you can rest assured that our "hero" is about to go flying off the rails with the usual liberal self-flagellation.

The day the world learned that American soldiers had tortured Iraqi prisoners belongs high on the list of worst things that ever happened to our country. It's a black mark that will be in the history books in a hundred languages for as long as there are history books. I hate to think of it.

So an out of control S&M girl holding a leash during a single out-of-control day is the worst thing in our history books. Hot damn we're good! All the other countries got piles of mass graves to explain.

The image of one bad young woman with a naked man on a leash did more to damage America's reputation than all the good things we've done over the years ever helped our reputation.

Well gee! Why didn't the communists think of that earlier? Especially since the anti-war movement is chock full of communists. You'd think at least one of them would be brave enough to don the uniform so they could snap a photograph; even it was to commit treason.

What were the secrets they were trying to get from captured Iraqis? What important information did that poor devil on the leash have that he wouldn't have given to anyone in exchange for a crust of bread or a sip of water?

Oh, maybe revealing the cell that's planning the next truck bomb attack aimed at blowing up the hotel where all the CBS reporters are staying? Then again, if a bunch of CBS reporters got blown up, who would care? I'm sure Andy would just be glad he could make his attacks on Bush more personal.

Where were your officers? If someone told you to do it, tell us who told you. If your officers were told – we should know who told them.

One of them has already been convicted, Spc Sivits, and he said that he and his pals made sure no officers knew, because they'd get in a shitload of trouble. Well someone told an officer and guess what? They're in a shitload of trouble.

One general said our guards were "untrained." Well, untrained at what? Being human beings? Did the man who chopped off Nicholas Berg's head do it because he was untrained?

Nice way to equate human decapitation with laughing at men's penises, Andy.

The guards who tortured prisoners are faced with a year in prison. Well, great. A year for destroying our reputation as decent people.

They didn't destroy our reputation, they merely showed that sometimes an American can become cruel and immature like anybody else. Kids can get very mean and nasty to each other on the playground, and that trait never just disappears. Part of becoming a disciplined adult is learning when not to let your cruel and childish side out for a romp. But we're also showing something else to the Arab world, which has suffered under centuries of such behavior, and that is that they don't have to put up with it any more. President Bush personally apologized to the entire Arab world, and heads are rolling, all because a half-dozen guards indulged in some kinky fun for a day. The Arab world has never seen one of their own leaders apologize for brutality, even after dumping 400,000 bodies into mass graves, or running torture chambers that would frighten the Marquis de Sade. We're showing the Arab people that they can demand and expect not only an apology for such abuses, but punishment of the abusers, and that if they can expect this from the most powerful country on earth then they can certainly demand it from their own leaders.

I don't want them in prison, anyway. We shouldn't have to feed them. Take away their right to call themselves American - that's what I’d do. You aren't one of us. Get out. We don't want you. Find yourself another country or a desert island somewhere. If the order came from someone higher up, take him with you.

If Andy Rooney is willing to endorse banishment as a punishment, perhaps we can just banish all the liberal moonbats who seem to prefer North Korea, Syria, or France to the US. Those soldiers in no way meant to harm the US or its reputation, yet they did so by being undisciplined and childish. Andy Rooney and his cohorts at CBS, on the other hand, intentionally try to harm the US and its reputation. Now just who should we put on a raft to Cuba?

In the history of the world, several great civilizations that seemed immortal have deteriorated and died. I don't want to seem dramatic tonight, but I've lived a long while, and for the first time in my life, I have this faint, faraway fear that it could happen to us here in America as it happened to the Greek and Roman civilizations.

The Roman civilization wasn't brought down because they were arrogant. They were brought down when they finally lacked the military strength to keep the barbarians at bay, as they were spending their time indulging themselves like Andy Rooney. I mean, it takes some incredible self-indulgence to think that a kinky girl putting a man on a leash portends the collapse of Western Civilization, but by gosh Andy has made the connection.

Too many Americans don't understand what we have here, or how to keep it. I worry for my grandchildren, my great-grandchildren. I want them to have what I've had, and I sense it slipping away.

That's exactly right Andy. You don't understand what we have here, or how to keep it, and there are way too many Americans who think just like you. The problem they might create isn't that our way of life will merely slip away, but rather that they hurl it in the gutter at the first opportunity.

Have a nice day.

Oh, you can bet that I'm having a very nice day after trashing such an insipid pile of angst filled garbage from a blathering fool.