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January 31, 2004

Lunatic Spews

As long as I'm doing Fleetwood Macs Rumors, here's "Second Hand News" There's all kinds of phrases that would fit in this song. For a while my ending lines were "They're just hatin' those Jews", "They're cross postin' old news", "They're just lunatic views"

I know there's nothing to say
Moonbat has posted cut paste
When 'tards go bad
When 'tards post fluff
Won't you flay them for that Rall crap
And fisk their looney stuff

I know there's no linkin' they cruise
I know there's nothing to use
When 'tards go bad
And you can't shut them up
Won't you flay them for that Rall crap
And fisk their looney fluff

One thing I think 'tards should know
We ain't gonna miss them when they go
Been clowns so long
They've been tossed around like nuts
Couldn't you just
Let me mow down their oozing puss

I know they're gropin' to find
Someone who's gotta twisted Marxist mind
When 'tards go bad
when 'tards go nuts
Won't you flay them for that Rall crap
And fisk their looney fluff

How the lunatic spews
How the lunatic spews

January 31, 2004 in trollSongs | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

You Make Fisking Fun

How about one from Fleetwood Mac's Rumors, "You Make Loving Fun"?

Cheap communist tool,
You are so daffy with the things you drool,
Oh, you will be toast,
Your scribblings follow me wherever I post.

I never did believe in fairy tales,
And I've a feeling the time is ripe.
I never did believe in the ways of Marxists,
And I'm beginning to fisk your tripe.

Don't, don't cut and paste,
It could be Pilger but I'll mow his shill,
You, you make fisking fun,
And I don't have to tell you you're the only one.

You make fisking fun
You make fisking fun

January 31, 2004 in trollSongs | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Mine in a Bottle

Jim Croce never wrote enough good drinking songs, so I addressed the problem by spoofing "Time in a Bottle".

If I could have mine in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like do
Is to drain the whole beer till sobriety passes from here
Just to drink them with you

If I could make beers last forever
If words could make refills come true
I'd drain every beer like a treasure and then
Again, I would drink them with you

If I had a fridge just for six packs
And beers that had yet to be brewed
The fridge would be empty except for the memory
Of how they were shotgunned by you

But there never seems to be enough room
To store beers you want to drink
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one that cleaned out my whole stockpile.

January 31, 2004 in Other Songs | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 30, 2004

Michael Jackson Appointed to Moon Walk Advisory Panel

I can't make this stuff up! Michael Jackson is one of the eight Bush appointees to the the commission! It says so in this AP story.

Pete Aldridge, former Air Force Secretary
Carly Fiorina, chairman and chief executive of Hewlett-Packard
Laurie Ann Leshin, a planetary geochemist at Arizona State University
Lester Lyles, retired Air Force General
Paul Spudis, a visiting scientist with the Lunar and Planetary Institute in Houston
Neil deGrasse Tyson, Rose Center for Earth and Space in New York
Robert S. Walker, former Representative from Pennsylvania
Mariz Zuber, Mars scientist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Michael P. Jackson of Virginia

Michael Pedophile Jackson, and something about virgins.

Actually, if I was ever appointed to something like that I'd hope they could say something more about me than my birthplace. Although the Go'uld always seem to use their place of origin as a title too, like "Grand Counciller Garshaw of Beloat", so maybe it's something spacey.

I won't even bring up what will likely result from having with the CEO of Hewlett-Packard on the board, other than to peer into the future and predict we'll one day hear the following.

Today the Lunar Accident Investigation Review Board returned their findings, blaming the accident on an error in inputting the landing coordinates because the on-board systems use what engineers term "Reverse Polish Notation", or RPN.

January 30, 2004 in Current Affairs | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 29, 2004

Oil Update

ABC News has finally reported on the illegal oil deals Saddam had with leaders of many nations.

Jan. 29 — ABCNEWS has obtained an extraordinary list that contains the names of prominent people around the world who supported Saddam Hussein's regime and were given oil contracts as a result.

Well, who cares if they're a couple days late on the story. Good whine takes time.

According to a copy obtained by ABCNEWS, some 270 prominent individuals, political parties or corporations in 47 countries were on a list of those given Iraq oil contracts instantly worth millions of dollars.

As reported by just about every other news outlet days earlier.

"You are looking at a political slush fund that was buying political support for the regime of Saddam Hussein for the last six or seven years," said financial investigator John Fawcett.

Ok, nice to know that opposition to his removal was being driven by bribery rather than to uphold international law, which was being violated by all the bribery.


Investigators say none of the people involved would have actually taken possession of oil, but rather just the right to buy the oil at a discounted price, which could be resold to a legitimate broker or oil company, at an average profit of about 50 cents a barrel.

Got that? About 50 cents a barrel.

Among those named: Indonesia President Megawati Sukarnoputri, an outspoken opponent of U.S.-Iraq policy, who received a contract for 10 million barrels of oil — about a $5 million profit.

Yep. 10 million barrels times 50 cents each is $5 million.

The son of the Syrian defense minister received 6 million barrels, according to the document, worth about $3 million.

Yep. 6 million barrels times 50 cents a barrel is $3 million.

George Galloway, a British member of Parliament, was also on the list to receive 19 million barrels of oil, a $90.5 million profit. A vocal critic of the Iraq war, Galloway denied any involvement to ABCNEWS earlier this year.

Hmm... 19 million barrels times 50 cents a barrel should be $9.5 million, not $90.5 million. I think they inserted a zero, or there's more than meets the eye.

"I've never seen a bottle of oil, owned one or bought one," Galloway said in a previous interview with ABCNEWS.

George Galloway. The only member of Parliament who still always road a horse to work? Or maybe a carriage. Either that or his cars didn't last much past the first 5000 miles.

According to the document, France was the second-largest beneficiary, with tens of millions of barrels awarded to Patrick Maugein, a close political associate and financial backer of French President Jacques Chirac.

Woomp! There it is! Woomp! There it is!

Maugein, individually and through companies connected to him, received contracts for some 36 million barrels. Chirac's office said it was unaware of Maugein's deals, which Maugein told ABCNEWS are perfectly legal.

I've yet to meet this famous speaking office. I guess Chirac gambled and lost with France's reputation and future by accident, instead of on purpose. Interesting... And why do these people keep insisting that these transactions were "legal"? I suppose sanction doesn't quite translate into French.

The single biggest set of contracts were given to the Russian government and Russian political figures, more than 1.3 billion barrels in all — including 92 million barrels to individual officials in the office of President Vladimir Putin.

Oh, I'd think 1.3 billion barrels would by a veto from a cash starved former superpower. Now we can at least guess at what was discussed in all those Chirac/Schroder/Putin summits prior to the Iraq war.
"He's cutting you in on how much?!!! This cannot be! He promised me I had the most special relationship with his excellency!"

France: Charles Pasqua, former minister of interior: 12 million Trafigura (Patrick Maugein), businessman: 25 million Ibex: 47.2 million Bernard Merimee, former French ambassador to the United Nations: 3 million Michel Grimard, founder of the French-Iraqi Export Club: 17.1 million

My my. Over 100 million barrels of oil kickbacks.

Canada Arthur Millholland, president and CEO of Oilexco: 9.5 million
United States Samir Vincent: 7 million Shakir Alkhalaji: 10.5 million

Samir Vincent is a Chaldean Catholic who arranged a meeting between a bunch of Iraqis and Jimmy Carter in Plaines Georgia.

Shakir Alkhalaji just happened to have given Scott Ritter $400,000 to make a documentary about Iraq, as mentioned here in an LA Times article.

Since 1998, Ritter has earned his living as a lecturer. He wrote "Endgame," which Simon & Schuster is reissuing in paperback. With $400,000 from an Iraqi American businessman, Shakir Alkhafaji, he produced a documentary about Iraq, "In Shifting Sands," which will also be the title of his next book.

BINGO! The Kiddy Diddler unmasked yet again! The head of our UN inspection team takes $400,000 from the man listed as receiving 10.5 million barrels of illegal Iraqi oil. Am I the only one who sees a problem here? Does ABC News not know how to Google? One minute after getting the name, up pops Scott Ritter's name, taking $400,000 from the guy. It's not rocket science, so maybe in a couple weeks ABC News will also figure it out.

Only two American's on the list, both Iraqi American. One meets with Jimmy Carter, one gives $400,000 to Scott Ritter. Interesting, no?

*** Update ***

Here's an interesting UK Telegraph article detailing the relationship and the making of Scott's documentary, which was described as pro-Saddam propaganda.

*** Update ***

Since I've had a few people link this story, I thought I'd expand on the contents of the earlier UK Telegraph article.

Iraq's intelligence services bought gold jewellery that they planned to give to the wife and daughter of Scott Ritter, the controversial former weapons inspector, as part of a clandestine project to encourage him to work closely with Saddam Hussein's regime, according to documents discovered by The Telegraph in Baghdad.
When a murderous tyrant is having his genocidal intelligence services buying gifts for your wife, things are not looking good.
The documents say that the gifts should be offered via an intermediary, who was named as Shakir al-Khafaji, an Iraqi-American businessman and close associate of Mr Ritter.
A close associate of Mr Ritter. If you go to bed with dogs you wake up with fleas, or in Ritter's case $400,000 in illegal oil money.
Mr Ritter and Mr al-Khafaji have both made clear that they received no such gifts or funds.
If think Mr al-Khafaji's denials are sounding a bit hollow at this point, as are all the denials of many of those named.

For example, one of the articles covering the oil scandal printed this bold denial from one of the journalists named in the document.

In Cairo, Abdel Adhim Manaf, editor in chief of Sawt al-Arab newspaper, an Egyptian newspaper published in Cyprus, told AP: ``I have official letters from Iraqis offering me this issue (oil), but I turned them down and I have documents to prove that.''

"Even if I had received (oil), what's the problem?" he asked. "The Iraqis are saying the Arab oil is for all Arabs. This is not a crime, this is not forbidden. I have always supported Saddam and believed in him, and I still do. I will never backtrack."
If that doesn't sound about as hollow as a denial can be, what is? Anyway, back to the earlier Telegraph article.
In an interview with the New York Times in 2001, Mr Ritter stated that none of Mr al-Khafaji's funding came from Saddam's regime. Of the £250,000 spent on the film, he said that only £26,250 went into his own pocket.
That's roughly $40,000 in pocket to support a genocidal maniac, or if you go by the 300,000 Iraqis in the mass graves, only 13.3 cents per skull!

While he confirmed that he had received money from Mr al-Khafaji, Mr Ritter said that he had had his business associate checked by CIA "sources" via a friend who was a reporter, and was reassured.
Had his associate checked out by a reporter friend? Is he daft? Which reporter? John Fisk or Robert Pilger? Jason Blair perhaps?
The documents cast new light on the Iraqi regime's attitude to the film, which was widely denounced as paid-for propaganda. The documents suggest to show that Iraqi intelligence officials had direct contacts with Mr al-Khafaji. They also record discussions among senior officials about offering financial incentives, apparently in an attempt to underwrite projects that Mr al-Khafaji was developing with Mr Ritter.
Oh, I'd say paid-for propaganda would be the appropriate description. Maybe Ritter could get a job producing videos for the BBC, perhaps in partnership with Michael Moore. With financial incentives that at least include 10.5 million barrels of illegal oil, maybe they can work with Oliver Stone on a sequel to his pro-Castro movie.
The correspondence discussed further ways to come up with money to offer to Mr al-Khafaji to cover his travel costs. One letter requests approval to make funds available by siphoning profits from an oil deal, apparently controlled by Iraqi intelligence. The documents state that the matter would be passed on to Tariq Aziz, then Iraq's vice-president, to deal with.
Siphoning profits from an oil deal... You don't say... I think these two stories pretty well corroborate one another, and hint at what must've been going on behind the scenes on all these other oil deals with French officials and others.
Last night Mr Ritter said that the Iraqis had tried more than once to compromise Shifting Sands. He confirmed that officials had offered a gold bracelet for his wife and had volunteered to finance the film, either directly or via a French oil company.
BANG! How can Iraqi intelligence offer to finance the film through a French oil company if the French oil company isn't in bed with Saddam?

January 29, 2004 in Politics | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack

Ctrl-Alt-Delete Retirement

The AP reports that the inventor of Ctrl-Alt-Delete, David Bradley is retiring from IBM after 28 1/2 years.

Afraid to click the link, aren't you?

And in unrelated news item, Arnold Schwartzenegger must decide what to do about a plea for clemency for a convicted murder who brutally hacked four people to death. Anyone have a favorite Arnold one-liner?

January 29, 2004 in Current Affairs | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Ostracism Hurts Physically

Here's an older but still fascinating article from the Sydney Morning Herald, reporting on some research published in Science

Social rejection affects the brain just like a physical injury

By studying young people who were distressed at being excluded from a game, an international team of psychologists that includes Professor Kipling Williams of Macquarie University has found that two key areas of the brain respond to the pain of rejection in the same way as physical pain.

"While everyone accepts that physical pain is real, people are tempted to think social pain is just in the head," says another team member, Matthew Lieberman, of the University of California, Los Angeles. "But physical and social pain may be more similar than we realised."

That's probably why we say "It hurts", as opposed to saying something like "It feels like existential angst and ennui". It's also why we can feel like we've just been stabbed or clubbed in the head. Whatever dominate pain signals were available apparently got co-opted fo some fancy new social evolution.

The psychologists believe the pain of being rejected evolved because social bonds are so important for a person's survival.

Studies in early expeditions to Antarctica and elsewhere have confirmed that during long periods of isolation people start going a bit nuts, even if in radio contact. If isolation is processed as physical pain is, then prolonged isolation might have a relation to chronic pain, which might explain why many hermits or misfits turn to alcohol or drugs.

"Going back 50,000 years, social distance from a group could lead to death - and still does for most infant mammals," says Lieberman. "We may have evolved a sensitivity to anything that would indicate that we're being excluded. This automatic alarm may be a signal for us to re-establish social bonds before harm befalls us."

That would make tremendous sense, since being excluded can mark you for death in the near future, without the protection of the pack or tribe. It also indicates that you're not going to get many spoils from the group, and have apparently done something they don't like, a behavior that should be corrected. In essence, it seems ostracism is similar to whipping. Like a physical assault, it too can fire off adrenalin, and we've all seen people quake with rage after a snub, as if they'd been slapped. In fact, so similar is the feeling that we mentally refer to a severe snub or slight as a "slap in the face".

When people do become socially excluded for a long time, not surprisingly it can have a highly detrimental effect on mental wellbeing.

That's what earlier anecdotes have related. People start getting a bit loopy in prolonged isolation.

Social ostracism deprives people of four basic needs: a sense of belonging, control, self-esteem and meaningful existence. But Williams's research has also shown it can lead not just to antisocial behaviour, but also to "pro-social" behaviour, where shunned people work harder to try to please their social group.

This would probably explain the devoted puppy dog response from people low down on the social heirarchy, responding to rejection with an ever greater willingness to please. If the theory that rejection is processed as physical pain is correct, then continued rejection, which can feel like being beaten in the head with an axe handle, has them essentially saying "thank you sir may I have another".

But at least this provides some sensible insight into why the silent treatment can be as effective as a whipping, if not more so.


January 29, 2004 in Science | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Hilariously Bad Katana

I write a great deal on sword physics and engineering, in normal life. Many reproduction swords have some serious problems, but usually metallurgy and tempering aren't among them.

Amongst reproductions of medieval swords there are several recurring problems, mostly involving really bad tangs (the part of the sword that goes through the handle, mass distribution, weight, etc. Amongst swords in general are the problems with using stainless steel or screwing up the heat treating.

However, we shouldn't still have serious problems with tempering, since an intimate knowledge of metalurgy is no longer an issue. For example, look at an aircraft or automobile. We know our metallurgy really, really well. But sometimes this doesn't find its way back into cheap reproduction swords, as evidenced by this hiliarious movie taken from a shopping network.

Crappy.mpeg 5.36 MB

The movie was originally at http://bmwracing.org/funny/crappy.mpg but I'll try to save them some bandwidth. Unfortunately, it may take a while to load, because I don't have all that much bandwidth of my own.

Technically what he suffered was a "repercussion" from banging on the table. Throughout the 1600's an impact was called a "percussion" and a repercussion was a nasty thing that occured when you percussed an object that possessed great "resilition" (a period term for the property that made a resilient object resilient). The repercussion is the unintended secondary impact when the blade kicks back at you. So he should've been wary of the possible repercussions when striking the table.

So wasn't it Dan Aykroyd who worked in the Deli who kept saying, "Two chip. Pepsi. Pepsi." while John Belushi cut the sandwiches?

January 29, 2004 in swords | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

January 28, 2004

Command Line Styles

While I'm at it, I might as well spoof "American Pie" by Don McLean, which is sometimes listed as the greatest rock song of all time. The song doesn't make much sense, parts being based on a dream, so I figured the parody shouldn't make a whole lot of sense either. It also jumps around to unrelated subjects like the original. Anyway, I knew I was going to have to take on this song at some point. It took about an hour. Hope you like it.

A long long time ago
I can still remember
How a newline used to start the file
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could break most people's trance
And maybe they'd be stable for a while
But graphics systems made me shiver
  with every release they'd deliver
Bad news on my website
I couldn't make one more hit
I can't remember if I smiled
When I read about his Windows trial
But something touched me deep inside
The day my 'puter died
So...

*Bye, bye 'nix command line styles
Post my update to my website but the website was fried
Them good ole boys were linking fiskings and tripe
Singing this'll be the patch that I try
This'll be the patch that I try

Did you like the look of Macs
And do you have faith in Google hacks
If the help file tells you so?
Now do you believe in slave and host?
Can blue screens save your kernal's code?
And can you teach me how to reach real mode?

Well, I know that you're hung up on mem
'cause I saw you plugging in the SIMMs
O'erclocked your CPU
Man, I dig those faster reboots
I was a lonely teenage codin' geek
With a link fixation and a mem'ry leak
But I knew I was out of luck
The day my 'puter died
I started singing(*)

Now, for ten years we've been on our own
And news comes fast on a broadband phone
But that's not how it used to be
When the web first ran on computer screens
With the code we borrowed from geeky teens
And a choice that came from Unix teams
Oh and while Token Ring was running proud
Ethernet stole Blue's loyal crowd
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
And while Bill Gates read a book on Macs
The poor clerk learned to send a fax
And we saw our first DOS attacks
The day my 'puter died
We were singing(*)

Hunt and pecker with a grammar checker
The nerds got hit by the tax assessor
Dow miles high and falling fast
Tech bled from dot com crash
The market bombed on a terror clash
With the websters on the sidelines leaking cash
Now the tax cut came as sweet relief
While army caught the Baghdad chief
Left all got up to chant
Oh, but they never got the chance
'Cause the players tried to act as shills
The payoff man divulged the yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day my 'puter died?
We started singing(*)

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A generation back in space
With no time left for Clark again
So come on Dean be angry, Dean spray hate
Screams sank him as a candidate
'Cause bile was his campaign's only trend
And as I watched him on the stage
His hands were clenched in fists of rage
No Carville born to yell
Could break that sound bites spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Cheney laughing with delight
The day my 'puter died
He was singing(*)

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just riled and blamed Kerry
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd bought the 'puter years before
But the man there said the 'puter's obsolete
And in the streets the Deanites screamed
The peaceniks cried, and the Clintons dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The pundits all were chokin'
And the three men I admire most
 Hannity, Rush, and the great Karl Rove
They said the Dem's campaign is toast
The day my 'puter died
And they were singing(*)

January 28, 2004 in Other Songs | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Every Check You Skate

I've always loved The Police, yet they never seemed to write much about crime, which was kind of perplexing. Surely Sting could've written at least a few songs about, well, the police. To rectify this shortcoming I've just reworked Every Breath You Take.
*update* I changed "booking you" to "busting you"

Every check you skate
And every purse you take
If your bail you make, the next law you break
I'll be cuffing you

Every single deed
And every charge you plead
Given all this weed, by the time your freed,
You'll be eighty-two

Oh, can't you tell
You belong in jail?
How your poor butt aches
With every show'r you take

Every purse you take
Every law you break
Every deal you make, every claim you fake
I'll be busting you

Since you've gone, my our city streets are safe
I cruise at night, I don't ever see your face
I check impound, but no stolen cars are traced
I book the clowns, yet I never need the mace
I feel so bored, and I long for a hot case
I keep trying baby, baby please,

Oh, can't you tell
You belong in jail?
How your poor butt aches
With every show'r you take

Every purse you take
Every law you break
Every deal you make, every claim you fake
I'll be busting you

Every purse you take, every law you break
I'll be busting you
I'll be busting you

January 28, 2004 in Other Songs | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack